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texgria_
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the state of affairs

hello. Now, I admit I may be a bit deluded here, but are we - am I - in a war? I STILL after all this time sometimes have a "head full of strife." Forces of darkness and such. I must admit to seeing images of such things (and the feelings to go with it) that I can't escape, just have to wait for it to go away.

I am guessing the answer is really no, at least the way I present it. But I thought I'd mention it.


There's questions I want to ask, like how's everything going with everyone. And more nuanced stuff. But often when I move make a more interactional gesture I am often "attacked" by what I so call "dark stuff" in my mind. Bah, problems!



Edited By:  texgria_
Feb-01-14 03:26:19

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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,
It's difficult not to answer: "Why; do you want to be?" ...because ultimately we are all framing our awareness via our interpretation of reality and our decisions about what we choose to believe is reality (see latest tutorial).

If we walk outdoors and bombs drop on us, that's a good indication of being in a war. In real life our everyday attitude to everything modulates what we select to pay attention to. WE are responsible for what images we allow in our minds, WE are responsible for the emotions inside ourselves, WE are responsible for changing these things, learning how to take control, alter our own mood and perception and behavior and use these skills to improve the quality of our lives.

I do not believe in 'forces of darkness' so cannot comment on this. If we feel there is 'dark stuff' in our minds it is OUR responsibility to get rid of it, by whatever means we are able to discover and employ.

Every human in the world (including us here)STILL has days when their heads are full of strife. Very few humans in the world are capable of getting rid of that strife, and many here are into NH for that reason. But nobody's anxiety-free 100% of the time.

Sure, loads of people are insecure and are going to get defensive when we try to interact. We can learn techniques to put them at their ease and so get better responses, or we can talk to those who aren't so insecure (hi, we're here!)  ;  )

It's also possible we're misinterpreting others and they are just in their own way trying to communicate, maybe they're not very good at it, maybe we're not very good at it ourselves. Practice makes perfect.

Remember the Golden Rules? -If I felt like you describe I'd recommend anxiety reduction & input control (paying attention to good eating and sleeping habits) accompanied with a large daily dose of comedy for at least a week, followed by interaction practice; but I'm not you and you are of course a lot more aware of your own mind and body than anyone else. You're the Captain.

Re: How's everything going with everyone? Well with me its going pretty fine at the moment, thanks for asking. We had a shitstorm of chaos here in 2013 but are now dealing with the last remnants of people moving in/out/upstairs/downstairs/sideways and I'm just getting used to the fact that it's over  :  )
Aiming to begin Tutorial 12 real soon after adding a couple of bits to articles onsite. Breaks are often due to shortage of anxiolytics, which times are filled with meditation and gardening instead. On the whole, very happy with life, the universe, and everthing*.

Dude, you should talk to us more. We're nice. And believe it or not a lot of us have been through the same sort of mental crap you go through. We are after all, all the same species.
Best,
AR
*Except wasps


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sirhinojo
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Re: the state of affairs

Hello there,

texgria, it sounds aweful what you describe.  I suffered a long time with anxiety.  I was very aware that I was anxious, and I see now that is probably a blessing.  Because to have known it has led me down my life so far in search of ways to see out of what was a pervasive anxiety.  I cannot however be certain if it is what I did that helped, or if just getting older and wiser is what did the trick.  These days the anxiety is a lot less, but still it is there just as a hum in the distance sometimes. 

NH has definitely been a good stabilizer for me these last two years.  Has it helped you too?

rico


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs

A lot to get to here. I'll start with this and I'll get to the rest when some semblance of inspiration permits it. I just plain have to walk around recuperating my mind on and off.

Alex wrote:

In real life our everyday attitude to everything modulates what we select to pay attention to. WE are responsible for what images we allow in our minds, WE are responsible for the emotions inside ourselves, WE are responsible for changing these things, learning how to take control, alter our own mood and perception and behavior and use these skills to improve the quality of our lives.
Yeah, I'm not there that I can do that right now, but I'm trying to talk to you guys anyway. Hopefully this kind of control will come back to me. I had a quite long lasting period of getting slammed up against that dude which I became in resistance to, and indeed had a combination of trauma and I guess phychosis.


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,

Re: I'm not there that I can do that right now,

Totally understood, sometimes neither can I. But the very fact we know there is a problem is often the first step back towards the green zone. Deciding to do something about it is step 2, so you're already on the right road to recovery.

We all fall down. It really IS so that we can learn how to get up again, but it's also how we learn to avoid the same holes next time round; it's how we accumulate wisdom. Experience (even crappy experience) does have a silver lining in that we are now wiser and more aware of reality than we were before. So we have that little bit extra knowledge to 'stand on' to help move forward.

Reality can be traumatic, it's 100% probable that everyone here has been/is being/will be traumatized at some point/s in their life. I also know how difficult it can be to find the right words to express how we feel and what's going on during such times, even though we feel an urge to do so; and being in that space for me seems like trying to think through  layers of wooly blankets and it's very hard to believe things will change, but once we can calm down and let the brain have what it needs to do its thing, it does get its act together surprisingly fast.

I don't consider short periods of imbalance psychotic, there's truth in the psychologists' maxim: "as long as a person is sane enough to ask, 'am I psychotic?', then they are almost certainly not."
The thing about psychosis is, the sufferer doesn't know there is a problem (because the problem-detecting mechanism is down).

I'd be grateful if others here would share their own fastest methods of getting out of a bad space, because them we could all try out each others' methods. Music, meditation and cannabis have all been of help to me in reducing anxiety, as has reading positive stuff. To a certain extent also physical activity, as long as feel I am doing something useful. Reminding my unconscious, 'this will pass' has helped me get through situations that seemed to have been going on and on without resolution.

Dude, feel free to talk as much as you like; talking about something to others (or setting it down in words or pictures for ourselves) often helps us get it straighter in our own heads and get a better perspective.

My 'map out of hell' may be useful  :  )  It goes like this:
1 realize there is a problem with yourself
2 decide to do something about it
3 look for different ways to do something about it
4 start trying them out and stick at it (this is the hardest part)
5 monitor myself for changes and to make sure I'm eating/sleeping etc properly
6 if things don't change go back to 3 and repeat until I get out.

Hope some of this is helpful,
Best,
AR


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs

I can reveal if it was not already apparent that I've actually been getting paranoid thoughts in the last year or so, too. That really speaks to how far I've fallen. Example: I just looked at the "Write your message and submit" text here and thought to myself "does someone want me to submit?" ..... "did some pioneering computer architects create this lingo to show off their intentions?"

And sometimes I get paranoid about every single sound I hear. But yeah it's worth noting that most of time I don't have that.

Anyway, following the natural path is not peanuts, or something like that.


Oh George Carlin related: I'm a bit unsure about the guy... But it may be only because I discovered his stuff after things started going shitty for me. ....eh.. my point disappeared on me.

...I should probably just count my blessings if I get out this with my skin reasonably intact.


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,

Re: [texgria wrote]: Example: I just looked at the "Write your message and submit" text here and thought to myself "does someone want me to submit?" ..... "did some pioneering computer architects create this lingo to show off their intentions?"

...I know a similar space in which everything everybody says seems to me to be translatable into any of a choice of similar meanings. Everything gets questioned -”does that mean x, or y...or z?” At times like this I think we forget that it's up to us to create meaning; perception of it isn't 'out there' waiting for us to find it but right here in our heads. What the contents of our own unconscious (not to mention the universe) mean to us is all they will ever 'mean' in reality. It's we humans who love imposing meaning; not reality.

Did that make sense? I'm not sure; it's really difficult trying to explain mental states objectively, innit?

I'm guessing you do know methods for anxiety-reduction, these should reduce paranoid feelings too but if you think it's a chemical imbalance problem, don't hesitate to see someone competent to provide whatever you need. Getting the mind stable, up and running is the prerequisite for all other improvements (in life; not just in mental health). This much should be obvious: if we are anxious, paranoid or just can't think straight, we're not getting the data we need to compute what's going on in reality. The anxiety has to go away before anything else will work.

You are in a very good place on this site for finding out about anxiety reduction methods and talking to others who share theirs. Please use our resources to the full (and let us know if you discover anything new that might help others too!)


Re: Anyway, following the natural path is not peanuts, or something like that.

...Neurohacking is not for wimps? Totally with you on that one! Nobody ever said life was going to be easy, I don't think anyone's life is easy if they want to improve themselves, but it seems to me that the payback is worth the effort, and it does actually get easiER as time goes by. And the alternative is, after all, pretty boring.

Do extraordinary people have a harder time? Is lying in bed all day watching TV and eating donuts the secret of true happiness?* I don't think so. It may seem smart to have an easy life but the payback in disease and dysfunction isn't worth it. If 'ordinary' means boredom moving into dementia, I'd rather avoid being 'ordinary'.
Best,
AR
* I have tried it, it's boring, and gives me indigestion.  :  )


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs

I am sorry to continue in monologue form, though I can say your words definitely help!

I have to say that I hope, hope someone out there is developing some sort of therapies for people who have been so beaten back by experience.... and this the point: restore their abilities for working illusions... because illusions are what make life bright! Living with them is the challenge and the fun, I guess?


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,
'scuse typos, I just woke up  :  )

...In a sense, illusion is responsible for everything we experience; after all, without the ability to imagine, there is no perception. But if we need a good real life example for overcoming constant shitty experience, we need look no farther than Steven Hawking. Learning about how others have dealt with their adverse experiences has inspired me to better deal with mine. For a start it helps us appreciate the things we do have that are great (such as eyesight, and working legs.)

Illusion can be shitty or bright, depending on our attitude. I notice something a lot of us do with bad experience; we hang on to it and get annoyed by it and keep going back to it and wallowing in it, when what we should be doing is directing our attention to things we are really interested in; things we really love doing, and doing them.

The things we love can be very diverse. For some of us its subatomic physics, for others it's music and chocolate, for others it's being a good Buddhist monk, or playing a sport well. But the details don't matter -we all love something, and as soon as we focus on what we love and try to do it as much as we can, the 'shitty experience' hangover starts to go away.

Sure, sometimes we are badly thwarted -Hawking used to love athletics. But there is always something we still love doing enough to get involved in. And it's true that the best way to combat bad shit is to make energetic progress in good stuff.

For a simple therapy, try mindfulness. Today I awake to sunshine. So today I'm going to work in the garden, which I love. I'm not gonna focus on all the problems in our lives right now, I'm gonna focus on these plants that will soon be providing us with yummy food. That's mindfulness -being in the here and now, not time-traveling to mull over crap that happened n the past or worrying about what might happen in the future. Just here and now. It makes for a much better life experience. And mindfulness is free  :  )
Best,
AR


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs

I feel really bad, Alex. I am trying to give you my best, but I keep falling into a void. An abscence of all  imagination and perception, and I'm not entirely perky physically. Not nice. You see I did something to my brain, some kind of spasming up, when I lopped off my finger in desperation all those yars ago, after that my body became heavy as a rock... shit I can't complete the story. You'll have to wait a bit. I have to.


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,

There's probably not a single member here who hasn't had their 'head done in' or their 'brain mashed up' at some point in their lives. Anyone who claims a totally trauma-free life is either lying or delusional. I personally went to hell and back in my twenties but the truth is, we are pretty amazing creatures at root and past disasters can be reweighted -they are, after all, in the past; while we are here now. Keep things simple; be kind to yourself. Often we do things that seem insane but are in fact a sane response to insane circumstances.

Neither are we expected to bounce out of shit immediately better and singing halleluja. Things take time, gentle steady self care works a lot faster than running around trying to become an overnight well-balanced genius.

Taking the time to calm down, look around and be here, realize there is no urgent rush, can achieve a lot more. Spend some time with nature; it calms the unconscious even if the conscious is busy wondering why we are sitting in a field. Let nature heal itself, if it looks like it needs some help then there are lots of options, but often just a little time and calming down will turn the tide.

If you've been trying all this and nothing's changing then start looking at options for a change of mind. There's nothing wrong with using prozac or meditation or cannabis or counseling or whatever works, to get us back into chemical balance, but we only find out what works by trying stuff out. Begin with the things that are gentlest (like yoga, good diet, sensible sleep, input control, comedy, relaxation exercises) and progress on up through the methods as necessary. This is what NH is all about. This is 'energetic progress in the good', which is what averts crap -focusing on crap just increases the crap. Do something you love doing. Pay attention to stuff that makes you laugh. All the things we ever enjoyed are often still there to be enjoyed again; if we pay attention to them instead of focusing on our problems.  ...How much comedy have you watched since posting last? How much comedy have I watched since posting last? Why am I in a good, fun mood today? -Because of input control.

'Emergency gear-shift' hack: Write 2 paragraphs about something/someone/some place beneficial that you love, enjoy or admire. Explain as best as you can, why it is cool, why it is beneficial, why you admire it. Even if it's something mundane like  “peaches”, or a person nobody else knows whom you think is cool, or an animal you think is amazing, simply concentrating on why something cool IS cool jump-starts the networks that produce the chemistry that alters our perception of everything else. 

People can recommend all sorts of things, but they have no power to change us -only we have that power and it comes down to making sure what's going into us (including our own thoughts) is beneficial. It can be really hard to do that sometimes, when niggles and worries are scratching for our attention, but after all, it's OUR attention, and we have responsibility to train it to focus on good stuff.  If grim thoughts creep up in my mind I tend to say, no, I'm not having any of that nonsense. And put on an episode of something funny. Every time they resurface I remind them they're not acceptable and concentrate on the funny stuff. Certainly this takes practice, but it gets very fast results.

Bear in mind these are my solutions and everyone is different, I share because they may be useful to others. We all find the ways that are best for us personally through personal experience -but not if we don't practice any ways at all. So finally, do things in the right order: you've realized there is a problem, you've decided to do something about it, the third step is to start actually practising some behaviors that will affect change (instead of dwelling on, and talking about, the problem.) Forget the problem. Write a post about something you love, or something funny you once witnessed, or somebody you admire. Then consider: for the duration of writing that post, your mind was doing something healthy and at the same time avoiding doing unhealthy things (like dwelling on problems). Input control is free, fun, and always immediately available to directed attention.
Best,
AR


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,
'I love this' is a great start, but don't stop there ...can we have a couple of paragraphs about WHY you love this and what it means to you that makes it enjoyable for you? What associations & memories & emotions does it bring up that contribute to your enjoyment of it? What technical details might be adding to its enjoymemt-rating? Is it similar to other things you enjoy? etc, etc...

Ok, my turn (I shouldn't recommend anything I wouldn't do). -I saw the movie Ender's Game* recently and I loved it. Partly because both times I watched it was with good friends, partly because I loved the book (and I enjoy Scott Card's writing in general.)

Don't worry; no spoilers, but this movie was great for me for a lot of varied reasons: I like science fiction generally, there were some really cool colors in the graphics effects that are some of my favorite combinations, the music was driving and inspiring but not intrusive, the acting quality was good and convincing, the cast bore a large resemblence to how I imagined the characters in the book, the low-g effects were realistic enough to satisfy a scientist, the context reminded me of living & working with a team sharing a goal (which I love too), I was slightly drunk and relaxed at the time, the subject material is very relevant to current tutorials 11 & 12, the dialogue reminded me of the benefits of anxiety-free lateral thinking and the power of creative play. I could go on but I said 2 paragraphs...

...so why do you like your chosen example, then?
Best,
AR
*If this movie has not yet been released in cinemas, obviously I must have got the name wrong  :  )


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texgria_
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Re: the state of affairs

I like it, 'cause... I feel like it's about partly what we're doing here in NH.. see I'm in a complete dreaming state when I enjoy this music.... and I admit that I really can't stand the thought of not somehow ending up in a state that does not involve (day)dreaming.. dreaming has to part of the mix. However hopeless such a state seems when it isn't fully developed, I want it to be the way. In my imaginary universe, the song empathizes with me and I with it.

Oh and I like the lyrics.


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Alex
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Re: the state of affairs

Hi dude,

Yes; I too enjoy daydreaming (thought-drifting?) very much, in fact its essential for me to put together ideas. It seems closer to the creative 'zone' for me than full alert wakefulness (which sorta makes sense, considering the brainwaves). Its also cool experiencing being aware of things without necessarily thinking about things; like watching them on a screen, drifting by for our perusal.

Anyway we've started along the path of discussing things we enjoy, so let's carry on. I love the album, 'Signals' by Rush; it epitomizes for me an optimistic yet realistic outlook with energetic yet very melodic music. And I love the lyrics (that always helps). Do you have a favorite movie?
AR
PS I need to go eat and try to figure out how to fix gas boilers (long story, short explosion), so replies after now may be delayed.


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