Interaction Online

You can also learn to recognize harmful positions in online communication that block interaction. Obviously avoid using words that correlate with sentiment and anything that is a known cliche. Here are some clues for spotting other communication habits related to incongruence, and obviously avoiding using them yourself! (Some of them have earned amusing nicknames). Finally, always watch out for multiple exclamation punctuations in any mails that are not associated with humor or legitimate surprise (e.g. "What do you mean we're expecting twins??!! F*** me!!" is legitimate surprise and not necessarily indicative of anxiety).

Nonuse Habits in Online Communication:

Basic Denial (e.g. That's not true/you don't exist, and if I don't reply and never refer to it again, you won't notice).

Freakout Denial: (e.g. That can't possibly be true, because if it were, other unpleasant things that I don't want to face up to would be true as well. These people are full of shit. I'm leaving.)

Uncanny Valley: (e.g. You people are just fucking sick weirdos!! Devils!! Freaks!! (please god tell me its not true please god tell me its not true please…)).

The Failed Telepath: (e.g. I'm upset because I want you to say something and you're not saying it. I'd tell you what it was if I thought you cared, but if you REALLY cared you'd already know, so I won't.)

The Eternity Winge (e.g. How come you're ALWAYS picking on my beloved country/ politician/ side of the political spectrum/ religion/ theories/ sports team/ taste in music?!)

Self-Deprecation: (e.g. I'm so worried about what others think of me I make sure I remind them all the time I'm such a mess, I'm seriously dysfunctional, I've got all these problems, I'm an addict, etc because that way they won't think I'm just lazy and incoherent).

Neo-Info Denial: (e.g. Aha! But three years ago, in another thread on another site on another topic, YOU SAID…(assuming nobody ever learns anything new or is capable of changing their minds or updating themselves and/or no new info ever becomes available)). A good response to this is "Yes! And it was wrong when I said it then too."

Puritan Withdrawal Method: (e.g. Oh, my goodness, you said something obscene/blasphemous! Well, I'm CERTAINLY not going to bother rebutting anything put forward by an ill bred heathen such as you, although I wrote this anyway to say so. (Always withdraw before the climax.))

Weary Dismissal: (e.g. You're not STILL on about THAT, are you? (when everybody else is mid-discussion)).

Concealed Detour: (e.g.: Yes, quite, absolutely, you're so right. Let me just discuss one small point…at which point the anxious lead the entire argument down an irrelevant (but much safer) side discussion, often involving art or long drawn-out analogies that don't work properly.)

Wronguse Habits in Online Communication:

Denial - The Agent Scully Variant: (e.g. That might be true, but you can't prove it to my satisfaction.)

Agent Mulder's Reversal: (e.g. Oh, YEAH? Well, how can you PROVE that my sources aren't correct, to MY complete satisfaction?)

Righteous Wrath: (e.g. How DARE you even suggest such a thing about our brave troops/ the Pope/ the left/ my favourite sports team/ that band/ me?!)

Blackmail: (e.g. Well I BET there's some things you wouldn't like the people on this group to know about YOU!/ so shut up and grovel or I'll tell them.)

Straw Man: (e.g. So in simple words you believe (insert highly distorted misinterpretation of your opponent's position here, then triumphantly defeat the stance your opponent never took, confusing the hell out of everybody.)

Straw Man with Wig: (e.g. does a 'straw man' but also convinces themselves that it's real; i.e., that their misinterpretation IS what their opponent MEANT (so manages to confuse themselves as well as everybody else)).

Age-Related Pomposity: (e.g.: Well, kid, when you get to be my age, you'll achieve the same level of enlightenment as I have…/ What the fuck do you know, you're OLD!!)

Mock Deference: (e.g. Oh, right, well, (snort, guffaw) because YOU say so (snicker), it MUST be true (chortle). No need to discuss.)

Loony Alert: (e.g. You f… s…, what kind of … stupid s… is that, you …(follow with the string of anatomical particulars and copulatory suggestions of your choice.)

Assertion of Error Without Proof: (e.g. What you are doing/saying/are trying to do is evil/ against gods will/ wrong/doomed to failure/pointless (with no proof offered)).

Projection: (e.g. I'm going to accuse you of all the unpleasant things I actually do myself, and unconsciously fool myself into believing they really are your faults, not mine)

In every case above, people should be given a chance to explain what they mean, because it may be just misunderstanding or misplaced humor. If the explanation isn't satisfactory, you may wish to consider restricting contact with that person. If you detect nonuse or wronguse behavior persisting in communication, either in yourself or another, don't post unless you can both openly address the anxiety issue, because anxiety behaves like a virus –if you make contact you are likely to spread it.

Further Reading (Internal Links)

Introduction to Homeworld

Biological Psychology & Personality Theory: The Basics

Interactional Analysis Practice

Anxiety & Input Control: The Basics