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Workshop - Stuff by Members
Written by NHA   
Tuesday, 02 August 2011 12:20
Tags communication - humor - fun - writing


Communication 101

For those short of time, energy, or the permanently confused.

Ready-made templates for letters to anybody, from anybody, Communication 101 is the fast, free and easy service for people who have difficulty writing letters.

Directions: Just highlight all the lines that apply, stick it in your mailer and send! You can even re-use the same template by erasing someone else's highlights!!




Template 1 : Getting back in touch after a break





  • Hi dude!

  • Hey honey,

  • Dear Sir/Madam,

  • Yo Bro,

  • Dear (insert recipients name here)

  • Howdy partner,

  • Dear Fascist Bastard,

I am aware that we have not been communicating very much


  • lately

  • since (insert date, campaign or event)

  • ever


I haven't written much because I am


  • very busy

  • not well

  • undercover/ on active duty

  • of the opinion that it's not important to stay in touch with allies

  • feeling really hassled

  • currently in prison

  • oxytocin deficient

  • your sworn enemy

  • uncomfortable hassling you

  • paraplegic

  • on a spiritual quest

  • totally drunk

  • not comfortable talking to you honestly

  • pissed off with you

  • not terrifically bright

  • telepathic, and I thought you were too

  • still trying to get over you

  • on the run

  • so tired I can't think

  • trying to break up with you

  • currently in a Left Flank Position (see '24')

  • embarrassed about my spelling and grammar

  • AWOL

  • obsessive about secrecy

I would now like to


  • explain why I don't keep in touch

  • resolve this via this letter

  • ask for a divorce

  • continue not communicating because that's okay

  • get drunk and forget about you

  • tell you all about my life

  • maybe get together for dinner sometime

  • escape

  • go back to bed

  • ask you whether this is a problem?

  • Avoid being hassled

  • leave my entire estate to you by way of apology

  • turn myself in to the relevant authorities

  • invade a foreign country

I am aware that when people don't communicate, their friends may


  • worry about them

  • think they have offended them in some way

  • assume they have been kidnapped

  • get confused

  • move house without telling them

  • come to believe that they are not welcome in their lives

  • assassinate international figures

  • feel really sad

  • decide its rude and become offended

  • invade foreign countries

  • try to imagine reasons why, and get them wrong

  • decide that they are boring old farts

  • turn up with a team in helicopters to try to rescue them

To be fair, communication goes both ways, but I guess maybe you don't write much because


  • perhaps you feel communication is unwelcome?

  • you're baffled about why I never talk much about my life?

  • I ran off with your wife/husband/business/car/ (insert item)

  • you don't want to poke your nose in where its not wanted?

  • I shot at you that time

  • you know that genuineness and respect are important and you don't want to coerce me into writing if I'm not really into it?

  • You found out I work for the CIA/WalMart/(insert organization)


So this is just to clarify that I


  • would like things to stay exactly as they are

  • would like to communicate less

  • would like to communicate more

  • would like to continue with mad letters like this one

  • am on better medication now

  • am no longer working for those people

from now on.


  • Yours sincerely

  • lots of love

  • up yours

  • om nama shivaya

  • I miss you

  • Hasta la vista, motherfucker

  • BFN

  • its been an honor serving with you


(write your name here)